A Pink FlexiRuler
by I am the Cake Fairy
Summary: [Oneshot][Sasunaru][Could be condsidered schoolfic][AU] When bored, an authoress lets her mind wander. It comes back with this random little tale. She wants you to read and enjoy.


_Elfling sighed. She had absolutely no inspiration. She needed inspiration. She felt the need to write, but sadly, she had absolutely no motivation. Maybe she should go and watch the clouds or something. At the very least, she might have a dream that would give her an idea. Then she realized she was thirsty. Not just thirsty, but _thirsty_. Like, I've been stuck in a desert for twenty years with nothing to eat but peanut butter, saltine crackers, and Texas Pete Hot Sauce with dried sweet and hot dill pickles. Well, maybe not that thirsty, but thirsty enough to get her off her lazy butt and go downstairs to the kitchen to get some lemonade, which was still pretty darn thirsty. As she rummaged through the refrigerator, she also found that she was pretty hungry, so she opened up her special Elfling's Snack Drawer, a very special and magical drawer indeed, for it held the powerful, all-knowing..._

_...string-cheese._

_She squealed, usually something she reserved for only those special SasuNaru, or any other uber cute pairing, fan-fiction, and snatched the cheese and (completely forgetting her lemonade) raced back upstairs. Once in the safety of her own little world, she quickly set up an altar on top of her desk, and carefully placed the cheese upon the pillow. Once she was sure that nothing could harm the precious cheese, she stepped back, and began chanting in a language no one, not even Elfling herself, knew. Then, the dancing started._

_Eddie sighed. Elfling was up to something again. He could hear the stomping above his room. The way the stomps came in rhythm, he reasoned it could only be one thing: cheese. She must be having a writer's block again, Eddie told himself. So, he grabbed the DVD and its player from the emergency kit he always kept in his room, and trudged up the stairs. A shadow descended his face as he slammed open (lolz, slammed _open_?) the door to Elfling's room._

_"Lack of inspiration, _again_, Erufu(1)?" Eddie asked, quite peeved. She looked up from her dancing and chanting, and stared in horror._

_"Who the hell are you and how did you get in my house? You are here to steal the cheese, aren't you, bastard?!" she demanded._

_"Language, Elf. Besides, I am your cousin. I live here. And the idiotic stomping which you so charmingly call your tribal ritual of the worshipping of the cheese of life annoys me."_

_But before Elfling could reply to that particular comment, he pulled her away from the cheese, and tied her to a chair. He pulled up a bedside table, and placed the portable DVD player on the table. He opened the case (which was blank for tactical reasons) and placed the digital video disk in the slot. And so Elfling was forced to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Well, not forced, really, but she liked the movie: it gave her motivation. Eddie liked this movie, too: it shut the stupid erufu up. Thank God almighty._

_Once the movie was done, Elfling sprang from her seat, her muse returned, bringing along with it a nice, fluffy plot bunny. It was so cute! Well, she would have sprang, if it wasn't for the really strong ropes that held her to the chair. Be that as it were, she fell to the ground, on her face. Eddie laughed. Elfling cursed all the inconsiderate cousins in the world, with good reason._

_And so Eddie untied Elfling, and allowed her access to her laptop and WordPad. Of course he'd come up later to Beta it and check for the near mandatory spelling and grammatical errors that were assured with Elfling here writing it, but at the moment, he would have peace. "Knock 'em dead, Erufu."_

_Elfling simply giggled madly and let her fingers fly. So the fateful words were on the document:_

_"Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto"_

_And chaos would rain down from the heavens like randomness on a chocolate cake baked by pirates. Darn you pirates, darn you._

* * *

Naruto sighed, completely and utterly bored. He was in school, so he had a perfectly good reason to be so bored. Ah, school. The boringness. He could rant on and on and on about how unimportant and boring it was, but that would probably make it even more boring than usual. He was in math class, and had, surprisingly, answered the warm-up question. Well, more like, scribbled down random numbers with the decimal point in various places. Being as bored as bored could be, Naruto leaned his head back to rest on the desk behind him. 

He was promptly assaulted by a pink, flexi-ruler.

"OW, TEME!" Naruto shouted, rubbing his temple where the ruler had attacked. Why had the ruler attacked? Naruto certainly had not provoked it. Maybe it was a conspiracy! The vampires had turned against the werewolves and joined the trolls to take over the magical world of Fairytopia! The Barbies would attack in one hoard, destroying all in their paths--

"Keep your head off my desk, dobe. I wouldn't want your stupidity to spread like a virus."

No. It was worse than a conspiracy. It was the Megalord of the Third Kingdom, separated from the other eight by a Wall of Ice, and had the Dread Chirping Birds to defend his fortress. It was--

"Sasuke-kun!" Pink One of the Sixth Kingdom squealed, glomping the Megalord from behind. The Megalord growled. Pink One squealed again. "Oh, Sasuke-kun! I love you! I know you love me back! You know how pretty I am, and how not-annoying I am, unlike SOMEONE." Pink One glared at Naruto, ignoring the continuing growling that was coming from the glompee, directed at the glomper.

"Get off of me, Sakura," the Megalord deadpanned. Pink One pouted.

"Wanna go on a date with me after school, Sasuke-kun?" Pink One asked, sticking her lower lip out, and attempting a puppy dog pout. As much as the Megalord would like to deny it, he admitted to himself that no one could do the puppy dog pout like the Dobe of the Fourth Kingdom.

"No."

"I'll go out with you, Sakura-cha-"

"Shut it, Naruto-baka!"

"Naruto, Sakura, stop talking!"

"Yes, sensei."

And so math class passed, with the Cloudwatcher of the First Kingdom happily asleep, the Round One of the Second Kingdom munching away at a bag of chips, the Megalord of the Third kingdom darkly glowering at anyone and everything, the Dobe of the Fourth Kingdom mentally complaining how boring school was, the Shy One of the Fifth Kingdom stealing shy glances at the Dobe, the Pink One of the Sixth Kingdom bubbling happily at the Megalord, the Fangirl Pig of the Seventh Kingdom glaring at a certain billboard brow, the Mutt of the Eighth Kingdom talking to his dog, His Majesty the Bug Overlord of the Ninth Kingdom doing something that no one could tell what it was, and the sensei looking absolutely pissed that no one was paying attention.

Next class was the ever-so-youthful class of gym in the Thirteenth Kingdom, home of the Youthful One Senior and the Youthful One Junior of the Tenth Kingdom. Joy of joys for the ones of the First through Ninth Kingdoms.

Today would be the day the Nine (well, Twelve if you include the other three that perpetually hung out with the gym teacher) Kingdoms would play a game. A very youthful game indeed. If was called dodge ball. Dodge ball builds character, children.

Joining the Nine Kingdoms was the Youthful One Junior of the Tenth Kingdom, Girly Man of the uber scary Eleventh Kingdom, and the Weapon Wielder of the Twelfth Kingdom. The Youthful One Senior youthfully blew the whistle of youth, and the youthful character-building game had begun. Youthfully, of course.

Dodge balls were practically raining from the heavens. Soon, the Cloudwatcher was out, due to the fact that he was asleep. Round One was also out, due to his large intake of chips. Pink One, Fangirl Pig, and Shy One were all out due to the fact that they were too busy staring at their loved ones instead of paying attention. Girly Man was out, and blamed it on the fact that Fate hated him that day. The Mutt was out because he had chased his dog over the halfway line. Weapon Wielder was taken out due to the fact that she was illegally using weapons. Youthful One Junior had passed out after running one thousand laps, doing five hundred leg squats, two hundred pushups, and seven hundred fifty sit ups. That left the Megalord, the Dobe, and His Majesty the Bug Overlord. Then His Majesty the Bug Overlord decided he wanted to poof somewhere elsewhere, and so that left the Megalord and the Dobe.

"I give you your youthful Prom King and Queen, Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto!" announced the Youthful One Senior, earning him several 'WTF?' faces and a pout from the Dobe.

"First one to pout is the queen, baka," the Megalord said with a smirk.

"Shut up, Teme!" shouted the Dobe angrily.

"I was kidding! A very youthful joke indeed!" Needless to say, a very relieved sigh was echoed throughout the gym. Except for Youthful One Junior. He was still passed out. Speaking of which...

"Sakura!"

"Hai, sensei?"

"Take Lee to Tsunade, would you? He has overexerted his youthful self and needs to recover. Shikamaru, go with her."

"Hai, sensei."

"Che, troublesome."

"Now, my youthful students, move on to your next class. That would be language skills with Kakashi-sensei, wouldn't it? Ah, my oh-so-hip rival! I remember back when we were in the spring of youth ourselves. He always thought he was so hip..."

And so those of the first Nine Kingdoms (excluding the Pink One and Cloudwatcher) left the Youthful One Senior to his manly tears of remembrance and made their way to language skills. The Girly Man and Weapon Wielder made their way to history.

"Oi, teme!" the Dobe waved at the Megalord, requesting his attention. The Megalord complied, but only barely.

"What do you want, dobe?" he asked.

"Don't call me that, teme!" the Dobe replied automatically. "I just wanted to know why you had a pink flexi-ruler is all. Just is it, like, your preferences personified, or something?" he asked, feeling quite proud of himself for thinking that little insult up all by himself. But whatever he expected the Megalord to do, he did not expect what happened next.

The Megalord blushed. _The _Megalord blushed. The _Megalord_ blushed. The Megalord _blushed._ _The Megalord_ blushed. The _Megalord blushed_. _The _Megalord _blushed. The Megalord blushed_.

No matter how you said it, it still sounded wrong. Incredibly so. But something even more unexpected than a blushing Megalord happened after that.

The Megalord grabbed the Dobe, and pulled him into the nearest janitor's closet. They weren't seen for the rest of the class period. Or day, for that matter.

But whomever passed by that particular janitor's closet would have heard some very ..._odd_... sounds. But they blamed it on the rats. The very _large_ rats. The very large _moaning_ rats. The very large moaning rats who would occasionally scream out, "Oh SASUKE!"

Needless to say, the Third and Fourth Kingdoms had merged together by the next school day.

_Elfling grinned, quite pleased with herself. This was probably the longest oneshot she had ever written. Oh, how her heart fluttered and her stomach became pleasantly queasy when she though of what could be going on in that closet. She stomped twice on the floor, loudly, and two minutes later, Eddie was in her room, reading over her story and changing some of her mistakes so they would make more sense._

_"Well, there you go. What're you gonna do now, Erufu?" Eddie asked. Elfling grinned, but before she could say anything, Eddie cut her off. "Never mind. After reading that, I don't think I want to know."_

_"True dat," Elf replied and shooed her cousin out. There was much work to be ignored._

* * *

_ (1)According to my friend, Erufu is Elf in Japanese. Yo, true dat, what now, ne?  
_


End file.
